Numb to Nothing
by queenofbuttons
Summary: Rachel is numb, she has completely given up on life, what happens when she tries to go out with a bang?
1. AN

Hey Guys I just wanted to put this at the beginning of all my stories just so i don't have to do this at the beginning of each chapter!

I do not own any of the characters in this story. If I did I would be so fucking rich I'd have way too many books for me to have time to write.


	2. Prologue

Prologue

She was numb. She felt nothing. She tried everything to just feel something but there was nothing. Rachel Berry felt nothing.

The slushies didn't bother her; of course they didn't, because she didn't feel any pain when people laughed at her. The insults didn't even make her flinch, no not once, never, she felt nothing at all. Nothing at all, not pain, not happiness, not sadness, not contentment, not even jealousy. Sure Finn had dumped her she didn't give a flying fuck because she couldn't feel anything, she just couldn't. It was that last blow. Finding out that Finn had lied to her. That he had had sex with Santana, and lied about it but the pain had disappeared with news and she felt nothing.

She couldn't even feel release when she cut herself, so she stopped. She needed the release. The numbness was too much. She couldn't have it. No release for the poor girl. Never.

The glee clubbers were too busy insulting her to notice that she had stopped caring about what they said about her or even to her. They didn't realize that she just wasn't there to hear what they were calling her.

Her fathers were never there, it was as if they didn't even exist. She came home to an empty house. Where there was no one. She didn't know why they stopped coming home, but all she knew was that they didn't care. Not about her at least.

She missed the days when she was friends with Brittany, Mike and Noah. She missed the days before they were taken away by Quinn and Santana and the football team. Before they all just became stereotypes. Statistics. Conformers.

And she couldn't take it any more. Rachel Berry had finally given up.

Rachel Berry was going to go out, yes but she was going to go out with a bang.


	3. Chapter 1: The Bang

**Okay so hey guys! This story is going to be really angsty, I'll give you a clue as to what I have planned next for this story after you all finish this awesome chapter. Its not very long as I really don't think this story is going to be more than 10-15 chapters long if it is, well awesome!**

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><p>Chapter 1: The Bang<p>

Rachel turned off the lights before she sat down on her living room floor with a pistol in front of her. She had all of her most important pictures laid down in front of her. They were of all of her achievements, every last one of them, every last one that neither of her father's was able to attend, they were of her so called friends, the people who had ditched her for popularity and power, they were of the Glee club the people who were supposed to be her family but were never there for her and only added more to her hurt until she only felt numbness, and they were of her fathers the men who were supposed to support her but were never even there.

She knew she didn't want to die just yet, no she wanted to give them a warning, an idea of what could happen if they didn't open their eyes and see what was right in front of them.

She knew what she was doing; she knew that her memories were so traumatic that when she fell she would lose them entirely. She knew she would not die, Rachel Berry researches everything before she does anything. She would live, she would fight but she needed the pain and the memories of her pain to go away first. They needed to disappear.

She picked up the gun; she raised it so that it was touching her chest. But before she did anything she whispered

"I'm sorry daddies."

She pulled the trigger

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><p>Puck was eating dinner with his family when he heard the bang. He panicked and ran to the Berry house, where he had heard it from. He kicked down the door and found himself in the Berry living room. The lights were off but there was enough light in the house for him to see what was in the house. It was an unconscious and bloody Rachel Berry with a gun right next to her and a bullet in her chest. He immediately pulled out his phone and called 911 he was panicking even worse than before as he described the sight before him. She was not only covered in blood but when he ran to turn on the light he realized that she had cut the word numb in to her arm. She was losing blood quickly and everything began to move in slow motion. By the time the paramedics arrived he was on his knees on the floor trying to shake her awake.<p>

They took her away from him.

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><p>Brittany was in her room lying on her bed when she heard the bang. She got up and saw Puck running to the Berry house. She went down stairs and watched as he kicked down the locked door and followed him. She knew she wasn't one of the smarter people at her school but she knew that the bang was not a good thing. She followed Puck in to Rachel's house and was shocked by what she saw. It was a horrific scene. Rachel was covered in blood and there was a gun next to her. Brittany realized what Rachel had done.<p>

Brittany then noticed some things lying on the floor next to Rachel. They were pictures, pictures of Rachel dancing, pictures of Rachel singing, pictures of Rachel with her, Puck and Mike, pictures of Rachel with her fathers, and finally a picture of the Glee club that Rachel had taken. Brittany wasn't smart but she wasn't stupid, she knew why Rachel had done what she did just because of the blood covered pictures. She knew that she was to blame for the bang that could kill the person that was once her best friend.

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><p>Mike was in his room dancing when he heard the bang. He lived right next door to Rachel Berry, and on the other side of Rachel's house was Brittany's house and perpendicular to the Berry house lived Puck.<p>

He stopped dancing when he heard it. He ran to the Berry house and saw Puck and Brittany neither had noticed him as they were staring at the still alive body of Rachel Berry. The girl that used to be one of his best friends. He watched as Puck dialled 911 and pulled Rachel unto his knees trying to wake her up. He watched as the paramedics took her to the hospital. He was frozen. He had realized that Rachel had finally cracked. His confident little diva couldn't take it anymore and he wasn't there to help her through it, none of them were.

If the other kids at school were bad he was pure evil. If the Glee clubbers were horrible to her, he tortured her, if Santana and Quinn were the ones that pushed her to the edge; he was the one that pushed her over. He, Brittany and Puck were the ones that betrayed her.

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><p>Rachel Berry dreamt, she dreamt that maybe just maybe she could have her parent back, she dreamt that maybe just maybe she could have her best friends back and she dreamt that maybe just maybe the school and the Glee Club would finally see what they had done to her.<p>

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><p><strong>Okay so hi again guys! My story is going to involve some dunn dunn duuun AMNESIA. I want Rachel to really get to know the rest of the Glee Club and her ex-friends without having to remember everything they caused her and I also really want to make all of the school but some characters really regret how they treated her and anyone else they bullied. <strong>

**I tell you now Karofsky and Fabray are going to get their asses whooped. There will be lots of Puckleberry, Santitany, Tike, Klaine and others I really hope you all like the story**

**Read, Alert, Favorite and Review please**

**-Sky :)**


	4. Chapter 2: The Hospital

**Hey guys. Sorry for the late-ish update, I've just been really busy and stuff since I came back from vacation. The amount of homework I've been getting is insane! But anyways I hope you like my longest chapter yet! :) I'll give a clue as to what's coming next after you all finish this chapter :)**

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><p>Chapter 2: The Hospital<p>

Puck was on his knees for what seemed like hours. His mind was rushing with thought he didn't think would ever rush through his head. He was terrified. When he finally decided to get up he realized he wasn't the only one in the room. He realized that Brittany and Mike were also in the room and behind them were all of their parents. All but Rachel's. Leroy and Hiram Berry weren't even in Lima.

Slowly he got up. He didn't know what to think. His Star, his Berry didn't want to live anymore. She tried to kill herself. He looked at all the blood on the floor and saw all the pictures. He saw each one and began to truly realize what he and the others had done. He had finally realized that what he and the others had done was unforgivable. They had abandoned her when she needed them the most. Her father's were never there. He knew, he lived right across the street from her. He saw just how empty Rachel's house but he did nothing. Nothing at all.

Puck grabbed Mike's shoulder and put his arm around Brittany's waist taking both with him as he walked to his truck.

"Get in." He commanded leaving no room for argument. But he knew they wouldn't argue.

Once they were all in the car he drove in silence to the hospital. It was almost as if he was on automatic. He went through the motions of driving to the hospital, he wasn't even thinking about it.

They arrived and Puck asked where Rachel was. He was told that she was in surgery. They all sat there quietly thinking about what was happening. Their ex-best friend was in there dying and they knew. They just knew that they were the cause of it. They began to remember the days when they would watch her practice her songs, back to the days when they still listened to her rants. Back to the days when Rachel would explain difficult words to Brittany, back when she would dance with Mike, back when she and Puck would play pranks on Karofsky and never get caught. Those were the days. It was so much fun it was before Santana and the Cheerios took Brittany away and Quinn and popularity took Mike and Noah away. It was before they all left her alone, alone with only her music and memories. They left her in the dust because her personality was too much for most people.

Their parent's arrived at the hospital an hour after their children. They sat with their kids as they also realized how ignorant they had been. They didn't notice how Rachel's fathers' cars were never in the driveway. They never asked why she would sometimes leave for school with a two duffel bags filled with changes of clothes for the next time she got slushied. They saw her different clothing whenever she came home. But they did nothing.

Rachel had been in pain and no one had noticed. Mike, Brittany and Puck had been so absorbed in their popularity and had completely forgotten the Diva, and when they did think of her, it was only in passing. They did not notice any changes. It was only now that they had realized what was really going on in Rachel Berry's life.

No one thought to call the rest of the Glee Club. They were all too busy worrying about Rachel. It wasn't until Brittany's phone rang that they had even though of the idea.

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><p>Santana was worried about Brittany. She hadn't called her yet to tell her about Mr. Tubbington stealing something or maybe reading her diary again. So she did the unexpected. She called Brittany. It wasn't Brittany that answered it was someone else. It was her mother. The first thing that Santana asked was.<p>

"Is Brittany okay?"

"Oh! Hi Santana honey, Brittany is fine. It's Rachel that there is something wrong with."

"What do you mean?" Santana asked. She didn't want to admit it but she did actually like the tiny diva. It was just that if she was nice to the diva she would have lost anything related to popularity and then would not have been able to protect the innocent Brittany.

"Rachel tried to commit suicide; we are in the hospital right now."

"Wait! What? Rachel Barbara Berry the diva of McKinley High tried to kill herself. "

"Yes Rachel tried to kill herself; she's in surgery right now." Mrs. Pierce said as she began to choke up, "She shot herself in the chest, she just barely missed her heart."

"But why?"

"We don't know but they think it had to do with all the bullying she's been experienced over the last couple of years. We think that this added to the fact that her parents are almost never there it might have really brought down her self-esteem. And since there was never anyone there for her it might have really brought her into a deep depression."

"I'll be there soon."

Santana then made a decision, it was decision she knew could affect the rest of her high school career but she would do it anyways. She was going to help Rachel Berry get through this dark time. That is if she even survived. But if Rachel didn't live she was going to make sure that McKinley high knew that it was their entire fault.

Santana then texted the rest of the Glee club and told them what was going on. All of them sent replies stating that they were on their way there.

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><p>Rachel was in a coma. But she was alive. The only thing that needed to happen was that Rachel needed to wake up. The Doctors didn't know when she would wake up but they were hoping it would be soon.<p>

Her parents had been contacted and were almost there. They were on their way. Leroy and Hiram Berry had seen some differences in their daughter but they had not thought much of it. Now they were worried to death because she almost died.

Everyone sat near Rachel's room. All of them worried. All of the Glee Club but Quinn was there. Rachel's parents and the parent of the people who used to be her best friends were there. Puck was in Rachel's room holding her hand. Mike was on her other side watching her intently. Brittany was lying on her bed whispering in to her ear about how here day went.

They just sat there worried to death. Santana didn't dare move from her seat. She knew it wouldn't help. Kurt just sat there thinking about all the times he insulted Rachel even though she had done nothing to her. He didn't even try to help her after he transferred to Dalton. Mercedes though about all the times she had belittled the diva because she wanted her solos. Finn though about how he just strung her along with him. How she followed him like a lost puppy when all he wanted was Quinn. Matt thought about how he did nothing but watch as the rest of the Glee Club turned her into their verbal punching bag. Sam thought about how he had only looked once at the diva and never made any effort to get to know her because he was scared it would affect his chances of getting with Quinn, who he was only just beginning to realise was not as perfect as she seemed. Tina thought about how even though the two girls were similar, she had never really tried to get to know Rachel because she thought that the diva was too annoying. Artie thought about all the times she had helped him and he had not repaid her. Lauren thought about how many times Rachel had been there for her, not many people knew this but she had a soft spot for the tiny star. She had always loved watching her sing. Anytime Lauren had any problems she would go to the Tiny diva who always found a way to help her.

Then Puck jumped. Rachel had moved. She had gripped his hand tighter. She began to stir and everyone ran in just in time to see Rachel open her eyes.

Rachel took one look around to room and asked two questions.

"Who are you? Where am I?"

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><p><strong>Okay so how do you like the Santana POV and the whole thing with Lauren. I wanted to make them since they are the more feared people in the Glee club really bond with her. So you'll be seeing a lot of PezBerry and ZizBerry friendship :)<strong>


	5. Chapter 3: Nothing

**Hey Guys! So this is the next chapter YAYYYY! Okay so I hope you enjoy this and I will have my next clue as to what will happen next at the bottom! Oh and I made a few changes in how i want the plot to go so you guys will see some minor changes in this chapter and the one before it.**

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><p>Chapter 3: Nothing<p>

Rachel was tired. She felt people surrounding her bed. She wanted them to go away and let her sleep. She felt someone's hand gripping hers. She gripped it tighter hoping they would leave her alone, but it did the opposite and more people began to come in. She knew, she had heard them coming.

So she decided to move around a little. Again this did the opposite and even more people came in. So she decided to open her eyes. She looked at all the people surrounding her and realized she didn't know them. She then realized that she didn't even know who she herself was. So she asked panicking.

"Who are you? Where am I? "

They all gasped and stared at her.

Then one of the women spoke. "Honey, you are at the hospital, I'm Liza, and this is my son Noah. You know who we are don't you?"

Rachel shook her head; she didn't know any of them. She knew a Noah but that wasn't him. Her Noah was her age. Her Noah was 7 years old just like her. She wanted her daddies. They always knew what to do. She didn't like any of the people there. She only remembered her daddies and Noah, and Brittany and Mike and their parents. None of these people were them. She didn't want to be near any of these people, they scared her. Their eyes bore into her skin, staring at her.

The person the woman had introduced, Noah, he was the one holding her hand, and he was holding it tightly. Her eyes began to water.

"Please leave, you are all scaring me." She said, her voice squeaking, she was on the verge of tears

She began to try to remove her hand from this other Noah's grip. He only held on tighter. Everyone else was staring at her. She began to try to sit up only to be disorientated by her sudden movement.

They helped her move up so that she was sitting, that way she got a good look at everyone else. They all had worry in their eyes, the very same eyes that she felt used to hold indifference and at times malice and jealousy. She remembered none of them. She only remembered her two fathers, Hiram and Leroy Berry and her friends and their parents and they were none of these people. The other people like the Latina and the African-American girl scared her. They looked really mean. She really just wanted to go home.

Suddenly two men burst into hospital room, they seemed to have been running. Rachel recognized them immediately.

"Dad! Daddy!" she exclaimed, "Please tell these people to leave, I don't know any of them and they won't leave." She began to cry.

Her daddy politely asked them to leave, and so they all did, but not without some protest although they all could see it was half-hearted.

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><p>Puck was crying, his little Berry, his star, his Rachel didn't remember him, or anyone other than her fathers. She was scared of him, she was scared of all of them. All was quiet as everyone just stared at the floor<p>

He looked at his mother, and then at the rest of the Glee Club and whispered "Why? Why did she forget us?"

"Because memories of all of you trigger feelings of pain. Rachel loved all of you in one way or another and all of you kept on bringing her down and using her. When she shot herself, she lost memories associated with you. She can only remember up until she was 7 years old. So she thinks that she is 7." Said Hiram Berry, Rachel's psychologist father.

They all stared at him dumbfounded. But then they realized it was the truth, they had done so many things to her that she didn't even deserve. Hell Jesse threw fucking eggs at her and all they did was sing a fucking song, it was a song that Vocal Adrenaline could never pull off but it was still a song. She helped all of them in every way, she was there for all of them, but what did they do to her, they betrayed her every step of the way. Never letting her give her opinion because they thought it was stupid or too much. Slushying her every chance they got. Leaving her when she needed them the most.

They never did anything for her of course she would forget them.

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><p>Kurt watched Rachel sleep as he thought about all that she did for him. She did so much and he really only used her for his own benefit. He realized that beneath all that abrasiveness and arrogance was in fact a lonely, broken and abandoned girl. He had known about Rachel's friendship with Mike, Brittany and Puck. Everyone knew, they only chose to ignore what her ex-friends would do to her. He watched and laughed along with everyone else not realizing what effect this had on the tiny diva.<p>

He didn't realize that everything he did broke her heart into smaller pieces. He was sad because he knew that there was a chance he would never be able to properly make it up to the diva because she might never remember them at all. That was when he made his decision. He was going to support the tiny diva as much as he could and he would make sure this never happened to anyone else. So he did something only Kurt would do when he had an epiphany he texted everyone. All of them agreed.

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><p>Lauren wanted to do one thing. That one thing was to punch herself and any other person who had hurt Rachel the way she did, which was practically everyone. She knew she couldn't do that so she did the next best thing and beat the fuck out of jewfro who had found out about everything and put it on his stupid blog.<p>

She intimidated everyone and they knew it. So she made an announcement. She told everyone to leave Berry alone and anyone who didn't would face her and rest of the Glee Club's rath.

Lauren was sad that Rachel didn't remember her. She hated it. She wanted Rachel to remember all the times they spent together, Lauren eating chocolate and Rachel eating her vegan ice-cream, they would sit together and talk about everything from wrestling to Broadway. They had done so much together and it was only now that Lauren realized that Rachel was even depressed. She didn't see the signs because she was living in an illusion, an illusion where Rachel was still happy even though she went through so much every day. No one could ever be happy or even content in such a situation. If only she had seen it. So when she got that text from Kurt she decided it was time all this shit stopped. It was time Dave Karofsky and Quinn Fabray went down, and went down hard. The rulers of this school were soon going to be the pariahs.

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><p>Tina saw many things, she prided herself in being observant. She also prided herself in being one of the nicer people in McKinley. She was wrong. There is no pride in leaving someone to die. Leaving someone with such painful memories that they would try to kill themselves. She didn't see anything. But she did. She saw all the longing glances Rachel would throw at her, Mercedes and Kurt, as if she wanted to join. But Tina did nothing. Tina saw the cuts on Rachel's arms but pretended that they were probably from a cat of some sort, Rachel seemed like a a cat owner didn't she. She would make an amazing cat lady. Tina saw the pain in Rachel's eyes when they laughed at jokes like that. When they laughed at her expense. It was too much for anyone to bare, all alone, with no one there for her.<p>

Tina saw many things, she prided herself in being observant. But she no longer prided herself in being one of the nicer people in McKinley. No, now she knew that she was worse that Santana, Quinn, Karofsky and Jesse. She knew that seeing and doing nothing was a lot worse than not seeing at all.

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><p>Santana realized what she had done. What her insecurities had done to Berry. She had been so determined to protect Brittany that she hadn't seen what she was doing to other people and what she was doing to Rachel.<p>

She had stolen Brittany from Rachel. She had stolen Finn from Rachel. She had stolen Puck from Rachel. She had stolen Mike from Rachel. She had stolen Rachel's solos. She had stolen everything she could from Rachel, and she did it without even realizing what it did to the tiny diva.

She was a horrible person who was going to make it up to the small amnesiac. She was going to o everything she could to make sure none of this happened to anyone other than jewfro ever again. And jewfro was the only exception because he was creepy as fuck and stalked Rachel.

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><p>Rachel was his best friend and what had he done? He had blown her off as if they had not known each other since they were in diapers. He blew her off for popularity and the protection his letterman had given him.<p>

He stared at it, disgusted. He traded Rachel for that. She wouldn't have done that to him or Noah or Brittany. Best friends forever and what kind of best friend was he? Someone that would leave Rachel to protect himself.

Well now Rachel thinks that she is 7 years old again. This was going to be very difficult for all of them and they knew it. Rachel was back in a time when he, Puck and Brittany were still her friends.

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><p>Rachel wanted to go home. She wanted to see her Noah, and her Brittany and her Mike. Her daddies kept on asking her really weird questions. Like how old she was, or whether she recognized people in these pictures. She didn't recognize anyone of them. The all scared her too<p>

But there was this one person whose name was Kurt who was really nice and stayed with her for a really long time. He sang songs from her favourite Disney movies and everything, like he sang Beauty and the Beast to her, and a bunch of Cinderella songs. Like Bibbity Bobbity Boo. He was really nice.

She was really happy, but she wanted to see her best friends. Her daddies said she couldn't leave the hospital at all because she was really sick. But she felt fine. But they told her to wait anyways.

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><p><strong>Hiya! again :) So this is kind of a filler as to Rachel's situation. This was written to show the extent of her amnesia. Next chapter she is going to find out how old she really is and will be released from the hospital. Lauren and Santana are going to be slightly distant for now but when Rachel goes back home they are really going to take care of her. There will also be more Mercedes. I really want her to be kind of an aunt to 7 year old Rachel :) I hope you like it. (Rachel will remember eventually. But slowly and a year at a time.) THERE WILL BE PUCKLEBERRY! :)<strong>

**-Sky**


	6. AN: Sorry!

Okay, so yeah I kinda suck, SORRY! PLEASE DON'T HUNT ME DOWN AND KILL ME!

Okay, so it's been some time since I last updated but I've had some familial and educational issues that I needed to work through, but now I'm back so I'll try my best to work on and edit my stories. SORRY!


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